High?

So around six yesterday I started smoking and other than when I was asleep I have been high the whole time. Though I was probably high in my sleep.

School starts soon, so I will have less time to get high, this is a mater of priorities. But fuck what a nice day it's been. And I did fuck all, which kinda sucks, I want to be busy and productive. I can't wait for school to start.

Been a minute

So yeah, a nice spliff in the morning is a pretty good thing I think.

That girl and I, Katherine I think I codenamed her, are hanging out again. Just as friends, that's cool too, the more I hang out with her the more I am glad I just hang out with her. Don't get me wrong, I'd bone her hard, but unless things change I don't see any desire for a relationship.

Mmmm yeah right now I'm just where I want to be (high wise)

I hope I get to fuck high someday.

I'm kind of surprised how much of a stoner I have become. I really like this stuff. I know it may sound like I'm rationalizing to myself, but I don't like this all of the time, but if I have nothing to do, or am hanging with some friends I want to do this with, then yeah, smoke up :)

I just never thought I would be in this place with grass. I am just a little surprised I am I suppose. I like it, I like that I do it, what's the big deal?

What else. . oh yeah K has suggested that I do mushrooms someday, and she said she wanted to do them before school starts. I want to do them with her, but a silly part of me says "No, see weed is a gateway drug!" and then I laugh at myself.

You ever take a couple hits and then sit back waiting for it to kick in, and then fuck it creeps in beautifully.

Fuck I am nice and high right now. I pardon the stereotypical hippy shit, but I fucking love everyone in the world.

Hashed

I think I understand what they meant by "harshing a mellow"

I am with a nice high, and I just put myself from a feeling good to a feeling crap.

Maybe I already felt like crap. I had a good night out with friends, but now I'm home and was reminded of that girl. I'm done with her, and since we've been over with I've been getting over her, then hanging out twice since a bit away I realized more of the crap I was dealing with. I hate to say this, but I was really pushing myself, and kind of being a sad sack for a while at the end there.

I can do better than her, I know I can, I have been told I can, and I knew when we were a thing, that I could do better.

Fuck it, why do I go for the emotionally immature girls, or the women who have severe daddy issues? Why do I put up with some shit to make something work that I should just get over with? And why do I go for something and try to get back with someone over and over so that I can be the one who finally says no (Or honestly I make up a scenario in my mind where I can be the one who ended it, and push that into a reality)

I know why, I don't want a relationship end. I know that they should, but I want something that will last unlike my parents' relationship.

Fuck this is an emo ass post.

I need regular sex with an energetic woman, some nice grass, and tall glass of ice water.

Just took a hit

Well two actually off some new grass I got. It's a different strain than I last smoked, and was told it as real good. It's nice, but I don't know if I can tell it's different or not.

Anyway, I like how the you take a couple hits and the high just eases it's way into your mind. And then the tingles just float down your head, to your chest and arms.

Man this is a good feeling. I'm glad I bought some today when I had the chance.

I met with that girl who I first got stoned with for coffee today. We met a mutual friend and he sold me some.

I don't know if I want to go to see her again, shes cool, but I don't want to be with someone and be just another guy friend.

ok was harshing my mellow.

Laters


p.s. it's back. the mellow.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.

So I took a few days off smoking, because I was starting to not enjoy it. I was kinda bummed out the last time I did it. Does that happen? Maybe it was my mood, but I was high and bummed. I don't know, but had a nice hit and am feeling mellow, so I'm not too worried about it at the moment.

Fuck I want to blog when I'm high.

Fuck I want to blog when I am high. I wonder if this all comes from wanting to talk to someone, when I was getting high with Katherine, we talked about shit, and I could say my thoughts aloud to her, to someone. And even though she was high too, and not necessarily listening to me, there was someone there to hear what I said.

I guess this is like that, me talking aloud, to someone that may not be listening.

Does it matter if anyone hears me, as much as it matters that I speak?

Speaking is just thinking aloud in a way. At least right now.

Well right now it's typing that is speaking, that is just thinking aloud.

Wait, why a blog?

So why am I writing this blog? Well I would like to put out some ideas of my own out there in to the world. While I don't know if anyone will read this, or care, maybe I can get some feedback and ideas. See I want advice, but I guess I have a hard time going to someone and asking for it, unless the advice I need is within a realm of their experience. There are also some things I couldn't ask, or talk to, friends of mine about. It's not that I am ashamed of my problems, or what I am doing, but rather I just don't want to go to them about some things.

So if anyone has a comment they want to make, please do. If anyone is reading this, cool, thank you.

I'm pretty new to smoking grass.

So I smoked once or twice in the past, but never really liked it. Last month a girl I knew at the time helped me get properly high for the first real time. I have been smoking a pretty good bit this past month, and have smoked every day the past week. 

I seriously never thought I would like it as much as I do. I guess I always had a bit of a preconceived notion about grass, and about the people who did it. After talking with that girl, let's call her Katherine, about this I came to the realization that my big hang up (that's not the proper word but good enough) about grass was not based on grass itself, but on the people I used to know when I was younger who smoked. See basically I knew some real jack asses, and it was them being assholes that bothered me, the grass was just on the side. I suppose it's a lot like the difference between hanging out with a friend who is fun to be around and having a couple drinks, than spending time with a mean drunk, alcoholic. 

Well anyway, I never really enjoyed it until recently. I am a bit surprised at myself for smoking every day this week, but I definitely couldn't do this all the time. Like all day every day. I like getting out of the house too much, and I don't smoke much elsewhere. I don't like the idea of smoking with a bunch of people, and have only done it three people so far. 

Most of the time at first I smoked with Katherine. I didn't want to alone, and she was fun to be around. We talked a lot, colored with crayons, and had some really interesting conversations. Unfortunately some of those conversations were about how we couldn't be friends, since we were once dating, and the sexual tension was too high or whatever. That's a whole other post for later maybe. 

So what is this all about? Well I guess I am still trying to understand myself better. I was so opposed to grass at one point, now I quite enjoy it, and while I don't see myself being high all the time. I like feeling it, but I also like feeling clear.

I don't always think and write about grass. Many of my outlooks on life have changed recently, and I'm sure I'll write about them later. Pot is just on my brain right now, I guess because it's also in my brain right now :)